My dad has this phrase in Tamil he uses quite a lot. "Unna epo karai yethuven nu therila", which roughly translates to 'I don't know when I will get you to the shore'. This is a metaphor used by most dads to girls in their 20s (I can't talk for the boys because I haven't been around that situation) when they are worry about getting them married and 'settling them down'. All of these common phrases hint at one goal- which is to get married and start a family ( >= 1 kid). I have always felt that this was unfair because we also have other chosen struggles in life. For example, moving abroad for higher studies and financing it.
Student loans. We have all been there or still are.
Upper middle-class Indian parents these days seem to survive with sending their children far away (abroad) for studies, in return, seeing it as a possibility of increasing the chances of a better future. But is there really a correlation? I don't see a very strong one. Moving abroad teaches you so many things about life. But it isn't a necessity for a great future. For the ones who survive the challenges that this transition poses, we progress to the next stage of life. And this is very similar if you pursued your dreams back home.
But speaking for the fraction of us who went abroad, you know it did not come at a small price. It came with a large amount of financial digits that was hard to comprehend, at least for me. Infact, my choice to move to Europe for studies came from the fact that I cannot owe a bank a lump sum of 5,000,000 INR in some cases/ countries. I felt I was not worth that much (Many people choose Europe for this reason). Coming back again to upper-middle class parents, there are broadly two types: One who believes that their sole purpose is to fulfill the dreams of their kids, or their own dreams through their kids. They sort out finances and savings (because it is definitely needed) and come up with these digits in a bank account which serves as one of the many documents perused by an authority of a foreign land. It's a life's effort. The second type of parents, who are very similar to the first type in terms of dreams, but have forever been strengthening their foundation on loans and mortgages to uplift the stability of a family- decides to take out an educational/ student loan.
While both types are equally tough from the parents' perspective, it is very different for us, the children receiving it. You are in debt, either way. But who would you want to be in-debt to? Your parents or your bank. Actually everyone is in-debt with their parents one way or the other.. so the only option left is the bank. Getting a loan sanctioned is not simple. You need papers, and then more papers to support the papers. And then finally the guarantor's signature, which is usually your dad. From then on, all of a sudden a sense of awareness kicks in. There are these huge digits in your bank account and you see them reducing not one, but five digits at a time for every flight ticket you book and rent you pay. I was not used to such transactions ever in my life.
I need to place a reality check here. I did not struggle the way most students have. I had scholarships that paid everything. I still had an educational loan as backup. I used it to pursue dreams of living in Boston and traveling to countries like Turkey and Sweden. I used it, it also means I have to pay (for) it.
I remember having the phone App of my bank in India and see the five digits go down in debit with every month. There was principal, there was interest and also an Excel sheet that accounts for all of it (my choice), making it even more depressing. The phase of Masters ended with great experiences and a deep debt slump that could not go further down. Now it was time for pay back.
Pay back is an intense feeling. You could feel like not owning it because you've started making small money from starting a small job (in my case, still a semi-student semi-work PhD position) and wanted to save all of it to see the five digits increase rather than decrease. But the reality is that you have to pay it back. I had this sense of responsibility that I need to get rid of the feeling of 'owing someone'. With the little money I made with a PhD salary, I paid back my loan- month by month. Bank apps were being refreshed every month end. Money being deducted, being transferred, trying to equate out the expenses made in the last years and keeping up to the day-to-day expenses. I would wait for monthly salaries so I could pay for my next grocery. Living on a salary month by month in my 20s was probably one of the biggest lessons I've had to learn. But there are no complaints. The discipline and art of managing money I learnt during the years is probably going to help me for the rest of my life.
I was sure that paying back student loans should not coincide with a poor lifestyle. So my monthly payback EMI was set for 2 years (yes, that is very less compared to most student loans, I was lucky) in a way that I could still live my usual life and make my crazy travel trips. Eventually I saw the negative digits diminishing. As I came closer to finishing the loan, I got a bit greedy. I wanted to pay it all back ahead of time, before six months. Before I turned 26. I wanted to be an adult who was not in debt. So as I paid my usual EMIs, I was channeling some money into a savings account so I wouldn't have the urge to spend it. Things got a bit worse when I still routed in trips like Egypt and USA into my usual course of monthly savings. Even then I saved less, but I saved something. I would see those loan account digits on my Excel sheet progressing towards Zero. And then the time came one day, when I had saved enough. I texted my dad saying, 'Let's finish this today!'. My dad proudly went to the bank with a cheque that paid off the balance and texted me back saying- the loan is closed.
I opened my bank App (never have been so eager any other time) and in my loan account, I saw this.
It was a big deal for me. I turned 26 five days later. It was the best present I could have ever given myself. And to have the right self satisfaction- I asked my dad, 'Have I reached the shore appa?'. My dad said after a short pause, 'You have reached the shore!' I am not married yet, but that meant everything to me!
Keep deciding for yourself and ace it, Swe
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